


Shopping Cart Full of Glares and Doritos (And Froot Loops on the side)

by FicklePickleTickle



Series: Dorito Slut [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Based on a Tumblr Post, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Future Fic, Grocery Shopping, Humor, M/M, Original Children Characters - Freeform, Parental Unit Sterek, Sheriff Derek Hale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-07
Updated: 2015-09-07
Packaged: 2018-04-19 13:08:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4747589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FicklePickleTickle/pseuds/FicklePickleTickle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Samantha Hale-Stinlinski has a pretty good life. Her siblings are tolerable at best. At worst she wants to smother them, but never actually follows through. Daddy and Poppa would probably be a bit upset. Speaking of her parents, those two will be the social death of her. Or maybe not. Marcos hasn't run off screaming into the next isle and away from her weird ass family, so maybe she still has a chance. Maybe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shopping Cart Full of Glares and Doritos (And Froot Loops on the side)

**Author's Note:**

> I have no real explanation for this other than I laughed far too much with that tumblr post about the dad yelling about being "a slut for doritos" at the grocery store. I took that and ran with it because it's so something Stiles would do. I'm sorry. Also, this isn't beta'd so all mistakes are my own.

Samantha Hale-Stilinski had a good life. She had two parents that loved each other very much, even if they bickered non-stop. Not even kidding. They argued over  _ everything  _ and nothing all at the same time. They never really  _ fought  _ in front of the kids but they would bicker in front of everyone. At any given time.

 

At 16 Samantha was the eldest of the Hale-Stilinski brood, then came David, 15, and the twins Talia and Henrieta at 13. She got along with her siblings well enough. They fought a lot, just like any other siblings but they hadn’t tried to seriously kill each other so that was a plus. At school she was pretty popular, despite of being the sheriff’s AND the principal’s kid, she was on the honor roll and most of her classes were advanced placement.  Admittedly she got double whammied on the parental front but she made it work. And she was a werewolf.

 

Samantha had a pretty good life.

 

“Sammy! Stop looking in the mirror, you know you’re beautiful. Let’s go!” Daddy called from the bottom of the stairs. “Your father made sure of that.” he muttered as an after thought.

  
  


Sam rolled her jade colored eyes but finished fixing her eyeliner, gave her lip another swipe of gloss and tucked a strand of jet black hair behind her ear. The bun at the top of her head looked disorderly even if she had taken her time to make it look that way, just like Aunt Lydia had showed her how to. Daddy was right, she was beautiful. She winked at herself in the mirror before making her way out. 

  
  


She had sharp cheekbones and a beautiful olive complexion that she undeniably inherited from Poppa. He often would get this faraway look in his eye and kiss the top of her head. Sam knew she resembled her late aunt Laura from an old picture Poppa carried around in his wallet. She knew that that faraway look was him remembering his sister. It simultaneously made her feel guilty and glad. Guilty because she hated to see her Poppa sad but glad because even though he lost so much he now has a lot of family to keep him happy. 

  
  


David bumped shoulders with her as they made their way downstairs.

  
“Why are you all clowned up? We’re just grocery shopping you weirdo.” Dave asked trying to trip her.

 

“Because, asshat, Poppa said he’d take me to the theater to meet with Tiff afterwards.” Sam easily dodged his foot and punched him.

Dave was slightly taller than Sam, he was 5’11 to her 5’7. He liked to tease her about being freakishly tall for a girl.  Dave had taken after Daddy, he was biologically Stiles’ kid after all it was bound to happen, with his whiskey colored eyes and dark brown hair. Except Dave didn’t have an upturned nose like Stiles nor his milky white complexion, he took after the egg donor in those characteristics. His nose was slightly narrow and his skin was a tawny beige that would tan gorgeously in the summer, his nose was dusted with freckles that made excellent connect the dots penises on his face when passed out. For a werewolf, Dave was a very heavy sleeper and Sam took full advantage of that.

  
“Ooooohh Daddy! Sammy and Davey are fighting again!” Lia grinned at them when they reached the bottom of the stairs.

 

Talia and Henrieta weren’t biologically Stiles’ or Derek’s but they Hale-Stilinkski’s through and through. The identical twins had come into the Hale-Stilinski pack purely by chance and they looked just like the rest of them. They had long black hair and deep green unsettling eyes that you don’t want on you for too long. Not in a Norman Bates kind of way, more of a Dennis the Menace kind of way. They’re tall for being 13 year old girls, standing at 5’3, it makes their parents nervous because while Sam has had her fair share of male attention the twins get attention from older boys. Dave will never admit to it but he gets extra protective around the twins when it comes to boys. 

“Stop fighting.” Daddy automatically said as he passed the hallway into the dining room. “Babe! I can’t find the grocery bags!”

  
David and Sam looked at each other and rolled their eyes. Daddy would lose his head if it wasn’t attached, that’s what Grandpa always said.

  
Dave messed with Lia’s dark hair earning him a kick in the shin. Her big green eyes glaring at him. He pulled her hair just tick her off some more.

  
“Staahp Davey!” Lia whined extra loud so Daddy would hear. She loved getting her older siblings in trouble.  Poppa growled from the kitchen, making Lia whine low in the back of her throat. “Sorry, Poppa.”

  
Poppa walked into the foyer brows arched up high looking straight at Lia and holding the bags Daddy was looking for in one hand.

  
“I said I was sorry.” Lia whined and even hugged Dave to prove how sorry she was pretending to be.

  
Sam bit the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing. Poppa didn’t even blink, he’s always had a hell of a poker face. Daddy barrelled into Poppa’s side taking the bags from him, smacking a kiss on his cheek.

 

“You’re an angel.” Daddy whispered against Poppa’s face, biting on his jaw. “Let’s go.”

 

Gross. Sam didn’t have to look over at her brother, she knew he was wrinkling his nose at the blatant show of affection like she was. Parents kissing is always gross. Always.

 

“You have the keys? Wait, where’s Eta?” Poppa asked carefully, finally noticing that it was only Lia standing there. 

 

Their parents eyes went wide in horror. When one twin was missing it meant trouble. Sam heard Daddy’s heartbeat thump rapidly in his chest as everyone heard the honk coming from outside. It would have been hilarious to see everyone’s eyes widen in absolute horror for a split second before they rushed outside. Dave threw Lia over his shoulder just in case. In case of what? You never know with these girls. 

  
Grandpa said that the twins are the way they are because it’s the universe bringing justice for all the years of trouble Daddy caused. Sam has heard the stories. She agrees.

 

“Henrieta Hale-Stilinski! You drop those keys right now” the Sheriff commands. 

  
There’s a difference between Poppa and the Sheriff. Sam had learned early on how to tell them apart. Poppa was strict but given enough puppy dog eyes he would give you wiggle room (as long as Daddy wasn’t in the room of course). The Sheriff was a no nonsense man. There was no wiggle room and you knew you were in deep shit when the Sheriff got a hold of you. Daddy wasn’t as strict but he came up with the more creative punishments, and  _ that’s _ what you had to watch out for. That’s not to say the Sam and Dave didn’t get in trouble, they just got better at not getting caught and working the system. Lia and Eta either hadn’t figured it out or just didn’t care.

  
Hale-Stilinski through and through.

  
The keys made soft thud noise as Eta did as she was told. She sighed like everyone around her was exaggerating. She put a hand on her hip and looked up at Poppa with annoyance.

  
“I didn’t even start the car this time, Poppa.” she whined.

“Not a peep out of you, Henrieta. Get in the car.” Daddy ordered glaring so hard at her Sam thought he might pop a blood vessel.

  
Eta tucked her metaphorical tail between her legs and hopped into the back of the SUV.  Dave set Lia down as they all got into the car. No one spoke for fear of getting growled at.

Sam plugged in her earphones to drown out the sound of her parents giving Eta a talking to. It was something that they done before. Eta was obviously not even listening. Her and Lia were having one of their silent twin conversations with their eyebrows.

  
Uncle Scott always teased Poppa about how proud he must be his kids are fluent in Eyebrow. Poppa would roll his eyes but would smile his I'm-so-proud-of-my-kids smile. He literally fooled no one.

  
“Davey, you need to stop recording this and you better not even think about posting it online.” Daddy said.

 

“I would never!” David said as he made faces at his phone.

 

Sam could practically hear Poppa roll his eyes from the driver's side while Daddy snorted but didn't bother calling him out on the lie, their fingers tangled together on the middle console.  They chose their battles with Dave. Fighting him over something he's going to keep doing wasn't worth the full blown argument that they would unavoidably have. Besides Dave's Youtube account gave him a little bit of extra disposable income that their parents didn't complain about. It was mostly videos of himself and his stupid friends doing stupid things with some friendly family arguments thrown in the mix. Sam had starred in some videos often enough as victim of Dave’s pranks. The ass. 

  
“Babe, I forgot the shopping list.” Daddy said as soon as Poppa parked the car in the market’s parking lot.

  
“I know you did. I have it though.” Poppa said sliding out of the car with such grace that it made her glad she took after him.

  
Trips to the grocery store always ended up being a bigger deal than they had to be. Someone always forgot something (Daddy  _ always _ forgot the shopping list) and there was always an argument over the amount of bacon that was appropriate (“Derek, honey, ten pounds of bacon is not enough for pack meeting Thursday. Your son alone eats half of that.”). Poppa always tries to get an absurd amount of vegetables. (“We don’t need five pounds of kale, Derek. No one even likes kale.”) Lia and Eta should not be left alone for more than 10 minutes at a time. (“Ohmygod! Poppa! Lia and Eta have set the lobsters free. Ohmygod.” That one would have caused a lot of problems if it weren’t because Poppa was in his uniform.)

  
“Sammy go get your sister. I can practically feel her getting the boxes of Froot Loops she's not allowed to eat.” Derek said not looking up from the shopping list in front of him. “Davey, put those pop tarts back on the shelf. You haven't finished the ones you got last week. I need you to go get four jars of peanut butter instead.”

  
Sam just hummed, walking towards the cereal isle fiddling with her phone.  Sam was walking through the isles in no hurry to find her sister Eta when she bumped into  _ him _ . Marcos Rivas. Captain of the Lacrosse team, the varsity basketball team, honor roll student and all around hunk. Sam has been harboring a Titanic sized crush on him since she saw him during her freshman  orientation. He's tall, dark and handsome. His skin is the color of milk chocolate and he had these beautiful dark brown eyes with curly dark eyelashes that made it almost impossible for her not to swoon. Let’s not talk about his muscles. Those sinful and totally lickable muscles.

  
He's a senior now. She's a junior. She has a few classes with him and even though they run around in the same circles she's never actually held a conversation with him. She’s pining, she knows. It's kind of pathetic. She knows that too.

 

She's not shy. She's a lot like Daddy in that way. She can talk to boys just fine, she's had boyfriends (something that her parents weren't too thrilled about at first but they dealt with it, eventually) there's no excuse for her to be so nervous about talking to Marcos. Dave had told her that he could smell the attraction coming off of Marcos the same way it was coming off of her. She could smell it too but she was never sure if it was because of her or because of the other girls she hung out with. Werewolf senses were amazing but they were not fool proof against teenage doubts.  

  
_ Oh, shit. Oh, shit.  _ Sam’s brain whispered.  _ Be cool, Sam. _

 

“Hey Marcos.” she said throwing her hair over her shoulder but then remembered she was swinging her head like an idiot since there was no hair to throw over her shoulder.

 

_ Ohmygod, I said be cool.  _ She berated herself for doing something as stupid as what she just did. All she needed was to bat her eyelashes at Marcos with a breathy voice. 

 

“Hey Sam,” Marcos said with a cocky smile but his heart had sped up a bit when he saw her. He gave off a faint scent of nervousness. “What are you doing here?”

 

Knowing that she made him a little nervous made her feel more confident.

 

“Oh you know, just hunting and gathering.” she tucked her phone in her back pocket. Her hip did a side thrust that she usually did when she was flirting.

 

She heard a snort from the other isle. Her back stiffened a little. It could be one of her siblings on the other side. Or worse, one of her dads.  _ Oh god. _

 

Marcos chuckled and a faint blush creeped on his cheeks. Sam wanted to do a celebratory hip thrust because she made MARCOS RIVAS BLUSH! She couldn’t wait until she could text Bree, her best friend, about this. 

 

Best grocery run  _ ever _ .

 

“Yeah, yeah me too. Honestly, I let the alpha male and female attack the unsuspecting pasta. I tend carry the spoils to the cart.” he said not missing a beat. 

  
Marcos just made an almost-werewolf joke without even knowing it. Obviously the person on the next aisle was one of Sam’s jerk family members because they straight out laughed at that. Oh god. Her eyes widen in horror as she recognized that laughter. Marcos took her change in facial expression as a bad sign, his eyes widen as well and Sam panicked. She did the first thing that popped into her head at times of crisis: she laughed. It was a loud obnoxious laughter that always bubbled out of her whenever she was nervous, obviously it was something she picked up from Stiles. Marcos looked freaked out for a second but then he started laughing too. Her Daddy was laughing even harder.

  
Poppa rounded the corner, no doubt he heard the whole exchange, the cart halfway filled with this weeks groceries. His arched eyebrow the only indicator he knew who Marcos was.  Marcos, the gorgeous would-be-boyfriend swallowed his laughter and straighten up to his full height seeing Poppa.

 

“Good evening, Mr. Hale.” he said.   Sam was so proud that his voice didn’t stutter.

 

Poppa arched both eyebrows.

 

“That’s Sheriff Hale to you, Mr. Rivas.” Poppa said not even bothering to give a courteous smile. 

 

Not that the Sheriff was known for his courteous smiles. Sheriff Hale was very well liked, he was fair but very very scary. It must be the apex predator thing.

 

Why are parents so embarrassing?

 

“Hey Der?” Stiles calls from the other aisle, instead of walking around like a normal human being.

 

“Yes, Stiles?” Derek answers not lifting his intimidating glare from Marcos.

 

“You're in the chips aisle, aren't you?” he doesn't even wait for an answer, “Get a bag for me, sweet cheeks.”

 

“What kind?” Derek doesn't even roll his eyes anymore at the ridiculous pet names his husband constantly gives him. There's no point, Stiles is going to call him whatever he wants to regardless of the facial expression Derek puts on.

 

“You know I'm always a slut for Doritos, babe” his voice getting twice as loud to make sure the whole store heard him. “The salsa verde ones.”

 

Derek nods even though he knows Stiles can’t see him placing two bags on top of the carton of eggs.  The self proclaimed dorito slut finally makes it around the corner with an arm full bacon packets smiling like he didn’t just ruin Sam’s chances with Marco with his ridiculousness.

 

Sam is sure she’s blushing from scalp to little toe. She can’t bring herself to even  _ look  _ at Marcos. She wants the ground to swallow her whole. Maybe she wants the universe to swallow her embarrassing father into a black hole. 

 

Worst grocery run EVER.

 

“Hi Mr. Stilinski.” Marcos greeted a lot more relaxed than he was a second ago.

 

Sam took a peek at him, he didn’t seem like he thought she was a freak from the freakiest family of freaks that ever lived. He was smiling his adorable smile, the one she’s admired from afar many times before. He was smiling at her Daddy, it wasn’t even a smile that said he thought Dad was an idiot, it was the smile he shared with his buddies over their hilarious jokes. So maybe Daddy didn’t single handedly ruin her chances with Marcos. Maybe.

 

“Hey, Marcos. Hunting down protein for next week's game?” he asked as he dumped everything into the basket, clearly ignoring the very significant order the Sheriff had placed on their groceries.

 

“Yes, sir. Gotta make sure we beat the Bobcats.” Marcos grins and Sam dies a little on the inside.

 

The good kind of dies, not the death from five minutes ago. Daddy smiles at his student. Poppa makes an agitated growl too low for the humans to hear. Stiles starts having a conversation with Marcos and Sam can only half hear what they’re saying, something about after high school plans. Sam is too busy giving Derek the most potent puppy eyes in hopes that he will lay off the glares. She can see his jaw clench, she amped up the puppy eyes. If she were a cartoon she was sure she would have tears pooling at her lash line. Derek gave an annoyed huff and Sam saw the exact moment when she won, his shoulders dropped a bit and he stopped grinding his teeth. She gave him a blinding smile and he narrowed his eyes at her figuring out that he got played.

 

Uncle Scott would be so proud.  So would Daddy.

 

“Wouldn’t you agree, Derek?” Stiles asked his eyes dancing with mischief.

 

Derek only raised his eyebrow, silently asking him what the hell he was talking about. Stiles pretended to be put out at having to repeat himself.

 

“I was saying that it would be a great show of support from local law enforcement if they hosted a barbeque when the team wins next week’s game. It is the last game of the season after all.” Stiles said barely containing his glee.

 

Daddy was such a troll.

 

“Shouldn’t that be the school official’s job, Stiles?” Derek forced a smile on his face.

 

Calling  _ that  _ a smile was stretching the truth. Derek’s lips stretched upwards but Sam has seen a more friendly snarl when they pulled out porcupine needles from his back during the pack camping trip two years ago. Poppa still blames Uncle Issac for that but Sam knows it was Aunt Lydia’s fault. Not that she’d ever tell a single soul about that.

  
  


“I’m sure we can figure something out.” Stiles turned back to Marcos and smiled like he had already won the argument. Which he probably already did. “I’ll let coach know on Monday, Marcos. It was good seeing you hunting and gathering.” 

  
  


He clapped Marcos on the back a little more forcefully than strictly necessary but Marcos didn’t flinch. Marcos looked like he was too busy trying not piss his pants when Derek smiled at him. Sam not so subtly elbowed Derek, he rolled his eyes but he turned the glare power down.

 

“Have a good weekend Mr. Rivas.” Derek nodded as he pushed the shopping cart following Stiles.

 

Only Poppa would look that intimidating pushing a shopping cart. 

 

“I’m sorry about them. They’re...you know. Parents.” Sam took a step closer to Marcos, biting her bottom lip and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

  
Marcos’ heartbeat sped up and there was this scent in the air that Sam instantly recognized as lust. Sam’s smirk turned a little predatory without her consent. The scent grew stronger, Sam licked her lips. Marcos swallowed and shivered a bit, not taking his eyes off of her lips. She took a step closer to him, he didn’t move. Almost like he was stuck there, like a deer in the headlights waiting for Sam’s smolder truck to run him over.

  
_ This is it, Sam. Ask him out. _

  
“Saaaaammmyyy!!! I’m stuck!” Lia wailed from somewhere behind her.

  
Whatever spell Sam and Marcos had going on was broken by Lia. Marcos turned bright red and scratched the back of his neck.

“Um uh I should probably get going.” he cleared his throat not meeting Sam’s gaze, “I’ll see you around, Sam.” 

  
He turned on his heel and walked faster than he probably meant to. Once he was out of earshot Sam threw her head back and let out in a frustrated groan. She turned towards the sound of her little sister’s wailing, stopping when she sees her sitting crossed legged on the very top of the cereal rack eating straight out of the Froot Loop box.

  
“Ohmygod Lia, get down from there. The sheriff's going to get you.” Sam whisper yelled while shooting panicked glances around her making sure no one was around but fishing her phone out of her pocket. No way she wasn’t going to take a picture of this. Lia looked ridiculous grinning down at Sam like some sort of Cereal Queen.

  
“Catch me!” Lia said before throwing herself at Sam.

  
Thank all the deities above for Sam’s quick reflexes, Lia landed in her arms with only a soft  _ oof  _ from Sam. Froot Loops went everywhere.

 

“You’re a menace.” Sam said not bothering to hide her smile.

 

“Yeah, but you love me.” Lia grinned her cheeks puffed up with cereal. 

 

Sam laughed but didn’t deny anything. She didn’t put Lia down and walked towards the front of the store where her parents were probably getting ready to pay. 

 

Her family was absolutely insane but they were hers and she loved them to the end of the world and back.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 


End file.
